Like so many times before
by guessmename
Summary: Like so many times before, she has chosen the safer option.


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Pretty little liars...**_

Her body isn't meant to feel cold. It's meant to be warm and comforting but watching her chest rise and fall as her head rests against her own shoulder, she stops and think for a moment. The way her body feels against Spencer's doesn't seem right anymore, the way their hands fit together doesn't seem like they belong. There are like two magnets being pushed together by the same end, causing them both the try and retract.

They had been fine for the last few months and she hadn't felt better. The way the girl before her seemed to take her mind away from the outside world was simply sensational. As more time progressed on the feel of the shine- per say- seemed to wear off slowly and she finally opened her eyes to everything around her. He was back in her life again and suddenly the girl she spent all her time with was just another person to pass her by.

_Spencer had noticed the way Aria has been falling from her but she had never been there to catch the smaller girl, no matter how much she wanted to force herself to. Spence wanted to help Aria (she really did) but the only way she could see herself getting out of all of it was with backing herself into her room, locking the door tight as she enters. Eventually Aria would have left her alone and simply give up on her, right?_

_What Spencer didn't exactly count for was the idea that Aria would wait and she would wait patiently. Every phone call wondering what on Earth she did so wrong along with the girl basically camping right outside her door only to sigh and mutter curses under her breath, leaving the homework Spencer needed done beside the door and walking out the house completely. _

_Eventually, the sighing at the door seemed to come less and less and a tug started to pull at Spencer's heart whenever Aria didn't come over. It started by missing once every two weeks to every week and eventually multiple times a week. Somewhere along all the time passing, Aria seemed as though she finally gave up and suddenly the girl didn't even bother coming any more._

_Hanna and Emily had been by whenever Aria didn't come with missed homework in their hands. They were the only two people she would let even through the threshold of the doorway. Neither of the two tried to ask what was going on because it was Spencer they were dealing with so they just kept their mouths shut about how upset Aria had been looking. _

_Her hands had fumbled when she had decided the tugging on her heart had been too noticeable for her not to notice the pain. Her eyes had blinked back tears when the phone went to voicemail so she dialed again, not caring it was about 4 am. Spencer didn't think it possible for a heart to stop so suddenly with anxiety when somebody picked up the phone but it had managed to somehow, leaving her gasping for air a little._

_"Hello?" Aria's voice sleepily mumbled through the phone and a silent curse lets itself out of Spencer's lips even though she knew she had been waking up the other girl._

_"Do you reckon you can come over?" Spencer lets the words come out of her mouth before she even has time to think._

_The line on the other end goes dead silent and the thumping in Spencer's chest was basically cracking open her chest from the inside. It felt like her body is made out of metal and the pounding of her heart is loud enough to wake up the whole neighborhood. She was pretty sure Aria could hear it clearly but, then again, she had been losing her mind slowly over not seeing Aria._

_"Give me twenty minutes at most, I'll be there soon." Aria's voice was soft and comforting and Spencer could hear the sounds of things moving before the line is dead and a phone is left trembling between her fingers._

_-{}-{}-{}-_

_Spencer felt the sweat basically raining from her forehead and she wasn't sure why she was like this but she wasn't in control of her actions when the soft knock on the front door came. She wasn't in control when she opened the door to a tired and half dead looking Aria and practically pulled her inside by the arm, making sure to lock the door behind her. _

_She had no control when she didn't even let Aria have time to say two stuttering things out her mouth. Spencer does wish she was in control when she let her lips smash onto her girlfriend's (who-might-actually-not-be-her-girlfriend-but-she-doesn't-want-to-ask-because-none-of-them-are-really-sure-about-these-past-3-4-months) and Aria's lips tasted sweet and the way the girl was desperate at having no contact in a long while. _

_Spencer whishes she had control when she pulls away and a sharp sting is attainted across her face, making her basically see pain. The way her body automatically changed made Spencer worry in her heart by her mind already had her hand flying through the air and making contact with the side of the smaller girl's face. _

_"What the hell, Spencer?" Aria spat out, her hand covering the red mark that was already starting to form on her face. _

_"You slapped me first." Spencer argued back but she knew she was acting like a five year old in that moment. She knew just had pissed Aria would be so they were the only words that possibly worked as an argument. _

_Aria started to pace back and forth across the Hasting's floor in frustration "God Spencer, what did you expect me to do after all this time? Did you expect me to just come running back to you and instantly forgive you because I would like to know what I possible did that was so bad to you."_

_"You didn't do anything." Spencer answers softly, standing behind Aria and wrapping her arms around the girl. She didn't exactly like how much control she had when she felt the smaller body relax against hers a little "This is all my problem, I just need you to forgive me."_

_"How am I going to keep forgiving you, Spence?" Aria was practically begging for a truthful answer but the way the girl's body made Spencer feel caused a sigh to escape from Spencer's lips._

_"Please, lay with me tonight and if I'm gone before you wake up then you and I walk away from each other?" Spencer moved their bodies so that they're sitting on the couch, too lazy to move up the stairs. _

_Aria's fist clenched at the proposal before an very tired 'okay' came out her mouth. Spencer could feel how rigid and stiff Aria's body was against hers at first but time passed and, eventually, seemed to have overcame the girl, leaving her head rest on Spencer's shoulder. Spencer just wrapped her arm around Aria but she could feel it shaking as she did it._

Her body is meant to be warm and inviting not like a cold stone weighing her down. Spencer just really needs to ask herself about which on made her feel less guilt about this whole situation and which one made her feel something special.

Spencer lets out a long drawn sigh, knowing she's going to regret what she may just choose but she blinks back the tears and slowly removes her arm from around Aria's body. She grabs Aria's head with her both her hands, delicately placing the head facing sideways where her own body used to be.

She bites her lip as her hand grabs onto the door handle that leads straight out the house but her body is already pulling on it. The way her legs move straight to a familiar looking building, Spencer wishes she could really turn back now. The way her hand knocks on the door makes Spencer wish she was back home.

When the door opens though, every single thought is pushed to the back of her mind for when Aria actually wakes up. Her hands work themselves to either side of his face and she's doing the exactly the same thing she did last night to her girlfriend. Only, this time, it's with the one she had as a boyfriend before he disappeared for a while.

"Spencer." Toby whispers out as their lips depart and there is mere inches between them.

"Told you I would choose you." Spencer smiles, receiving a hug from the male. Just maybe he wasn't the right answer to either question in her head but, like so many times before, she has chosen the safer option when it comes to the two people she loves the most.

No matter how hard she tries to forget though, she knows she has lost Aria forever because every time she tries to call her there is no answer and a simple voice mail is left that Spencer listens to every time.

_"I can't answer your call but...just leave a message and I'll probably never get back to you, Spence. We're done, for good this time."_

_**A/N: It has been 4 months since I have uploaded on here...I've missed you all. I also read through my writing from four months ago...just nope. MERRY CHRISTMAS...my writing is my present to anyone that reads it.**_

_**until next time (which will be sooner then 4 months...hopefully)**_  
><em><strong>-Guess<strong>_


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